Worst kind of love - What would you do in my shoes?

My one year anniversary with my boyfriend was last friday. We went to Miami for 3 days as our little celebration. Truth be told, he only went down there because his best friend lives there. We fought the whole time, I cried every night, and we didn't even have . I tried. Often. I didn't recieve even a card or a "Happy Anniversary." Not that material things matter, but it's the thought. Corny, but true. The same is so for Christmas and Valentine's Day. (He has told me on many occasions about how he spent his last Valentine's Day. He and his ex went to some parade or something. Nice.) He says it's not me, but this has been going on for some time now. I am constantly ignored at home, and very miserable. From the moment he wakes up until bedtime if he isn't working, he is on the xbox all the time, which I have given up trying to figure out how to cut out of our lives a little. I don't mind that he plays, but When he does, he treats me very unkindly then expects me to get up and make him a sandwich with a smile on my face when he just called me a dumb ***** for walking in front of the tv which is unavoidable considering our apartment space. I can't make him happy, it seems. I have tried EVERYTHING. Literally. I have made myself a fool for him, and he doesn't see that I love him very much and want to make it work. I see what you are probably thinking... "LEAVE HIM ALREADY!!!" The thing is, when I tell him he needs to change his attitude towards me or he will lose me, he swears up and down that he'll change and how he loves me sooo much and don't leave, bla, bla, bla. We don't have . He won't even let me give him a ********. (He's not gay I promise he must just really hate me-what guy refuses a ********???) He treats me like ****. He sends provocative messages to other girls (facebook, texting, other sites) and when I catch him he gets mad at me like it's my fault. But then he tells me he doesn't want to break up. WTF??? I have put my entire life on hold for him. I have alienated myself from friends and family and have no one in my life at all to turn to. I fear beautiful women, so I fear going out in public. My self esteem is non-existant. Yet I worship the ground he walks on. Anything he asks for, he knows I will do my best to do/get for him to the best of my ability (and thensome.) I'm suffering from extreme depression, for months and months now. I spent Cinco De Mayo on a suicide hotline crying to a complete stranger. When he asked what I was doing and I explained, he became angry and we fought for hours into the morning. I am extremely suicidal. He doesn't try to understand that, nor does he care to. Rather, he makes cruel jokes about my mental instabilities, and then says he doesn't want me on meds. I am bi-polar, a severe depressive, diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder.) HE is the one who insane for not wanting me on meds and then bringing out the worst in me. I feel so tired of not being loved back, but I can't get away. (emotionally. He is NOT AT ALL physically abusive.) We have broken up before at the most for 4 days (tops) at a time but are unable to stay away from each other. In that way, he must love me somehow. Our relationship is like a sick and twisted hate obsession. We are total poison for each other. I don't even really care who answers this. I just needed to get it out of my head. Just anywhere but there.